可怜 (kělián) and 可惜 (kěxī): pity and regret
可怜 (kělián) and 可惜 (kěxī) can both be translated with English words like ‘pity’ or ‘sad’, but they do different jobs. 可怜 (kělián) is pity for a living thing, a person or an animal. 可惜 (kěxī) is regret about a situation, such as a missed chance, a failure or a waste.
Both can work as adjectives. 可怜 can also be a verb meaning ‘to feel sorry for’, and 可惜 can also be an adverb at the front of a clause.
可怜: pitiful
As an adjective, 可怜 describes something in a sad or poor state that makes others feel pity. The thing described is usually a person or an animal. It is often used as 真可怜 or 好可怜.
Notice how 可怜 can sit before a noun with 的 (可怜的 + noun) to mean ‘poor’ in the sense of ‘unfortunate’. The pity is felt by the speaker, and it is aimed at the person or animal.
可怜 can also describe an amount that is pitifully small, as in 少得可怜 (‘pitifully few’ or ‘pitifully little’) and 可怜的工资 (gōngzī, ‘a miserable wage’). Here the pity is for the meagre amount, not for a living thing.
The opposite of 可怜 in the sense of what a person deserves is 可恨 (kěhèn), ‘detestable’ or ‘hateable’. 可怜 makes people feel pity and 可恨 makes them feel anger.
可怜 as a verb: to feel sorry for
可怜 can also be a verb. It takes an object, in the pattern 可怜 + object, and means ‘to feel sorry for’ or ‘to take pity on’.
Its meaning is somewhat similar to 同情 (tóngqíng) ‘to sympathise with’ and the more literary 怜悯 (liánmǐn) ‘to take pity on’.
Note that using the word in this way can often be quite negative, as in refusing or rejecting someone’s pity. Being pitied is usually unwelcome for many people.
可怜虫 (kěliánchóng), literally ‘pitiful bug’, is a noun meaning something like ‘pitiful wretch’. It is most often an insult, so it’s a rude way to refer to someone or a self-deprecating way to refer to oneself.
可惜: a pity
可惜 expresses regret about an event, a failure or a negative outcome. It is not used to express pity for a person or other living being. The most common pattern is 可惜 + clause, where 可惜 comes first and comments on the clause which follows.
Notice how 可惜 can also function as a comment on its own, before or after an event is mentioned. Patterns include 真可惜, 太可惜了 and 很可惜.
惋惜 (wǎnxī) is a near-synonym of 可惜 but much more literary and less often used in casual speech. It is a verb for feeling or expressing regret about a loss or something unfortunate, while 可惜 is the more common everyday word in speech.
可惜 about waste
可惜 is also used when something is wasted. Chinese speakers say this where English might say ‘what a waste’. The usual patterns are 真可惜 and 多可惜, often after a clause describing what was wasted.
Note that 可怜 is never used for talking about a waste. Something that was discarded or otherwise wasted is not a living being that can be pitied, at least not in straightforward speech.
可怜 versus 可惜: a common mistake
Note that learners sometimes incorrectly use 可怜 to say things like ‘it’s a pity that’, in relation to an event they missed. Starting a sentence like that with 可怜 makes it sound like the speaker considers themself pitiful or wants pity. To express regret about an event, use 可惜 + clause.
The same event could be described with either word, but the meaning would be different in each case. 可惜 expresses regret about missing the train; ‘what a pity’. 可怜 expresses pity for the person who missed it; ‘pitiful’.
可怜 and 可惜 summary
可怜 is pitiful, mostly for people and animals, and also pitifully small amounts. It is also a verb meaning ‘to feel sorry for’ with an object, and 可怜虫 is a put-down. 可惜 means ‘a pity’ or ‘a shame’ (for missed chances, failures and waste), in the patterns 可惜 + clause, 真可惜 and 多可惜.